| Mr. McFarland chats with the BBC |
[Aug. 17th, 2005|09:29 pm] |
Dear Friends,
The other day I had a call from the BBC Radio Ulster, who desired to speak with me on the subject of dandyism. The results of this interview may be found here. Also audible is the magnificent Affected Provincial, Lord Whimsy. My thanks to Reggie Chamberlain-King, nee Stephen O'Hagan, who produced the piece. Yours,
A. |
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| Recorded works available |
[Jul. 13th, 2005|09:24 pm] |
Dear Friends,
Please look here to find recordings of my compositions performed by various friends and colleagues over the years. I have replaced some midi renderings with mp3s and added some entirely new things. I hope that you enjoy them. Yours,
A. |
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| A Student Triumphant! |
[Jun. 20th, 2005|11:38 pm] |
Images from the recent salon in defense of a thesis entitled:
The Triumph of the Whim,
Or,
Dandyism and the Aesthetic Process
Each suit of clothes was accompanied by a short piano Pastiche:
Bagatelle
Flanerie
Atelos
Caprice
The finer points of the thesis were then explained and defended:
The dandy's cause was in such a way uplifted to the amazement of various academics and the sighs of certain ladies.
Hear selections of the music here.
The student hereby acknowledges his unfathomably deep debt to Mr. Peter Dugas, his pianist (the rather-less-than-hirsute fellow in the photographs;) Mr. Charles Ashlin, the photographer (an artist beyond compare;) and Mr. Marc D., who kindly rendered the compositions into midi so that they might be brought to you. |
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| On Shoes and Shunammitism |
[Jun. 18th, 2005|11:41 pm] |
Being
An Explanation of the
Method of Hermippus
as it applies to the
Care and Beautification
of
Shoes, Boots, and
Other Foot-wear.
By A. Franciscus Parlanfilius
The goodness and desirability of a well-shined shoe is well attested to by scholars and laymen; by the wisdom of the ancients and the fashion of contemporaneity; and by aesthetic refinement and ordinary common sense alike. Who can dispute that a shoe well cared-for is infinitely superior to one ravaged by time and use? By the scrupulous and meticulous care of our foot-wear we both prolong its life and beautify ourselves and our surroundings. Brightly polished leather is a delight to the eyes of men, women, and divinities: Helios in particular, that model and example of Olympian dandyism*, is pleased by a shoe which, through careful treatment, constitutes an earthly reflection of his glory, and thus multiplies and pays tribute to his majesty.
Beau Brummel, the progenitor dandy and avatar of Helios (as much in his rise an in his setting), well knew the value of being brilliantly shod. It is reported of him that so highly did he value this practice that he not only had his boots polished with an admixture of champagne and boot-black, but also offered the unheard-of salary of two hundred guineas per year** to a valet who was possessed of a secret method by which he achieved a truly transcendent gloss on his master's leather.
Alas, this true artist's secret went to the grave with him, and modernity is bereft of his mysterious method. And yet despair not! gentle reader, for the author of the work before you has discovered a new process by which the lives of shoes may be greatly prolonged and Helios rendered the homage due to his shining visage. Nor will the author do as did the Beau's rascal who, prompted by his greed to jealously guard his secret, caused it to be lost to posterity. Rather will the author bring this new marvel to light, and though he may do himself a disservice thereby, he prefers to do a service by his fellow man, perhaps thus gaining a greater reward in the afterlife. Further reading will elucidate for the reader the ancient and mysterious Method of Hermippus and the manner in which it may be applied to the care and maintenance of his footwear.
The scholar Thomas Reinesius reports in his Syntagma Inscriptionem Antiquarum of the 17th century the discovery of an ancient memorial inscription which reads as follows:
AESCULAPIO. ET. SANITATI.
L. CLODIUS. HERMIPPUS.
QUI. VIVIT. ANNOS. CXV. DIES. V.
PUELLARUM. ANHELITU.
QUOD. ETIAM. POST. MORTEM.
EIUS.
NON. PARUM. MIRANTUR. PHYSICI.
IAM. POSTERI. SIC. VITAM. DUCITE.***
For the layman unschooled in this ancient tongue and unfamiliar with the syntax of ancient inscriptions such as the above the gist is this: the memorial tablet is dedicated to Aesculapius and Sanitas by Lucius Clodius Hermippus who lived for one hundred and fifteen years and five days by means of the breath of young girls, at which fact physicians were amazed even after his death. The last line reads: "Now let posterity thus conduct life."
This inscription was made the object of study by one Dr. Heinrich Cohausen, who argued that life could be greatly extended by breathing in the exhalations of healthy young girls. Indeed, his argument stands to reason: is it not because the breath carries with it some of the essence of the person whose lungs it has lately inhabited that illnesses are easily transmitted thereby? When we place this long-understood fact beside the teachings of out modern geneticists, who know that the smallest portion of the human body contains the distillation of everything that that body is, we can see that not only does the breath of disease carry disease, but the breath of health and youth must carry some germ or essence of these properties as well.
The reader may at this point justly complain that he has heard nothing whatsoever about shoes--"These inhalations and exhalations are all to the good," he might say, "but how are my shoes to profit by them?" To which rebuke the author will forthwith respond. We are all no doubt familiar with the usual way of polishing shoes, but I will repeat the directions indicated on a tin of Kiwi Shoe Polish as a reminder to he who is not in the habit of doing such work for himself: "Apply polish with a cloth or dauber [I find a toothbrush is the best tool]. Allow to dry. Buff to gloss. For extra high shine, sprinkle with water and and buff with a soft cloth." It was this last recommendation that set the author's mind to working. He was applying an ablution, as directed, to a favorite round-toed, buckled pair, when a sudden inspiration containing, no doubt, some essence of divinity, filled him with the light of understanding.
Any shoe worthy of the name is made of leather, which substance, as we all know, comes from the flayed hide of cattle. We also know that, as the good people at Kiwi Brands Inc. tell us, leather, even when removed from the bovine body, continues to take and require nourishment. If this were not the case they would not, nor could they, ever proclaim as they do on every tin of black shoe polish that it is "leather nourishing." The nourishment that leather requires is, of course, shoe polish, which goes as far to sustain the life of a shoe as do sweet clover and hay to sustain the life of its material source.
If leather, and the garments made thereof, must be fed in order to live long and maintain beauty, must not better fodder make them longer-lived and more beautiful? Here, at long last, gentle reader though impatient, we arrive at the Method of Hermippus. The exhalations of a youth, being the best nourishment, will render unto the leather of shoes a rejuvenation, new life, and transcendent lustre which will preserve and beautify the shoe and gladden the senses of its wearer.
One must be careful, however, of the particulars of the source of this breath. The first scholars of the Method of Hermippus insisted that only the breath of beautiful, healthy, and virtuous maidens would do. Of course since that era the light of modern reason has illuminated our sense of equity and justice, so that we might recognize in this insistence the prejudices of a bygone age. In this bright and democratic light we can see this small error for what it is--an anachronistic and, frankly, sexist prejudice--and amend it: it is clear that the breath of any beautiful, healthy, and virtuous youth of either sex will suffice. We may now aver confidently what Lucius Claudius Hermippus never dreamed: that the virtue which makes the breath salubrious is shared equally between the sexes, and is not the sole possession of either one or the other.
Even if all of the preceding is granted as true--as it must be--there may yet be one further argument put forth by doubters: that the breath emanating from a human being cannot have the same effect on shoes, which come from cattle, as it undoubtedly does on human beings. To argue thus, however, would be a grave error. As it is clear that virtue, youth, health, and beauty are not properties reserved only for the human race, but shared to some degree by all living things, so it is also only common sense that these properties are, however, found in the greatest profusion and highest concentration in the human body. Since a human being has the lion's share (so to speak) of these properties, it must be that the breath of a human body has the most power to transfer these same to other bodies (or garments.) The breath of an unblemished cow, however beautiful and of whatever lineage, could never do even half so much as could the breath of an innocent son, or daughter, of Adam. The converse, however, is also true: the harmful influences which are hidden in the breath of ill-favored, infirm, or iniquitous people has greater power to damage than does the ill breath of animals. Thus great caution is advised, lest through the injudicious application of this method one's shoes come to irreparable harm.
"Enough!" one almost hears the reader cry, "I grant it! Yet how may I go about applying this amazing yet scientifically sound method to my favorite dancing-shoes!" The reader's patience, though strained, shall now be rewarded. The application of the Method of Hermippus is quite simple:
1: Choose a day propitious for the shining of shoes and favorable to the transfer of essences. It is best to consult an astrologer for this.
2: Find a person (male or female, as the individual's inclinations prompt him) whose health is sound, beauty incomparable, and virtue beyond reproach. The best results will be achieved if the person in question eats a good diet and does not smoke, but he or she should not be a vegetarian, as the more beef is in the system the better the leather will absorb the essences.
3: Polish the shoes as directed or as custom dictates, adding the final step of causing the aforementioned person to breathe on the shoes and immediately burnishing the fog of that breath vigorously into the grain of the leather.
It is this last step that causes the essences to affect the shoe. The fog of the breath is the vehicle which will impart these essences deep within the substance of the leather where it may work its miracle. In this manner is a lustre worthy of Helios himself achieved and the life of one's favorite shoes prolonged indefinitely.
IAM POSTERI SIC VITAM DUCITE
*As the Homeric Hymns have it: "...His eyes blindingly flash/From under his helmet of gold, and dazzling rays glitter/Around his brow, and the bright hair that gracefully flows/down from his head conceals his far shining face./His splendid fine-woven garment shimmers about him/and flutters in the breath of the winds as he drives his stallions."
**See George Frasier's "The Art of Wearing Clothes," Esquire Magazine, september 1960 available here.
***From Paul Tabori's amusing but ultimately wrong-headed Natural History of Stupidity. |
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| Epigram #4 |
[Jun. 13th, 2005|12:16 am] |
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If God's love has the effects we have all observed in his faithful, let us rather seek his contempt. |
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| Violoncello |
[May. 14th, 2005|02:40 am] |
I am listening to Chopin's Cello sonata in G minor, and I am reminded of a peculiar experience I once had with this instrument. As some of you may know, I dabbled briefly in that instrument as a boy, though due to the relative poverty of my family we had to return the instrument before I could get very far. Since that time I had had plenty of opportunities to hear its timbre in concert halls, but it was not until I wrote for it that I discovered its true potential. On this particular occasion I had written a prelude for Guitar and Cello and asked a friend of mine to come over and play through the melodies for me, so as to assure that they were idiomatic. We were in my studio, which at the time was quite small. My friend sat down and rosined his bow. Then, lowering his hand to the strings, he bowed the lowest C available (the lowest note on the instrument.)
The effect of this note on me was astounding. I nearly leaped out of my skin, and for a moment I truly feared that I was in that claustrophobic room with some large and predatory beast. Such was the growl produced by that C. I was thrown into fight or flight for the duration of that note, and yet my instincts were paralyzed: I jumped and immediately froze.
I mention this because on hearing the first note on the cello of Chopin's piece I would have sworn that it was a human baritone voice singing, and that I had somehow selected the wrong track. These are the dangers and potentials of this noble instrument.
I was furthermore reminded of the musings I had initially had shortly after the above experience: what if Music affects primarily the listener's instincts, rather than his or her intellect? There is a case to be made here; after all does not a high note generally seem distant, and a low note often close? In the wild high sounds carry far better than low ones, thus a sound high in pitch and low in volume seems distant--and we are set at ease by this distance. Sounds low in pitch and high in volume might suggest to the primitive, or limbic, mind something near and large and aggressive--something to be afraid of.
Conversely a sound that is low and quiet seems ominous, as though there was danger at a distance, and a sound that is high and nearby arouses our compassion, as though someone at hand was in pain and shrieking.
The cello, it must be noted, plays at almost exactly the entire range of the human voice of both sexes (and all in between.) Could this be the key to its effect? Does the cello have its mysterious power to alarm, soothe, or arouse us because of our instinctual recognition of its range and timbre? I remain perplexed, but nonetheless
Yours,
A. |
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| Still More |
[May. 11th, 2005|06:32 pm] |
The Fair Ms. T as Virgin |
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| April 20 |
[Apr. 8th, 2005|03:14 am] |
If you are in the area please come to Corthell Concert Hall on the USM Gorham Campus April 20th 7:30 pm to hear the Southern Maine Symphony Orchestra play "Prelude in Three Lights" by myself as well as many other fantastic compositions by LIVING composers. The concert is completely free of charge and the program is really good. It is hereby recommended.
A. |
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| Epigram #3 |
[Mar. 30th, 2005|06:55 pm] |
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Perversity is the spice of life. |
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| Epigram #2 |
[Mar. 30th, 2005|12:55 am] |
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Violence is vulgar. |
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| Epigram #1 |
[Mar. 29th, 2005|02:14 am] |
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The noblest aspiration of man is to become furniture. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 24th, 2005|10:58 pm] |
I will post further installments as comments to the original post, I think. This should have the effect of making the story read in linear fashion, rather than having later parts come first.
A |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 24th, 2005|10:57 pm] |
By the way, I don't mean that kind of bestiality.
A |
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| Part the First |
[Mar. 24th, 2005|01:07 am] |
I am posting here a story which I am writing and have decided to serialize. Please check again for further installments of this tale.
THE DUKE of WANG:
A Tale of Sin and Horror for the Edification of Adult Readers
It was a labyrinth, that place, but I was no Theseus. Or, if I was, I was also the Beast he slew. I have read that all men have two natures: one inclined to virtue and the other to vice. If this is so then both are wolves, and my happiness was a rabbit that they tore between them in that place. How shall I describe it to you, dear reader, you who are innocent of its mysteries? Shall I describe it at once, laying it at your feet as though my horror were common with yours? By such a method we might both marvel that such a place could exist, indeed, continues to exist, and it would be as though we were both innocent of its crimes. No, I cannot treat you so violently. The shock of such fare might, in one serving, prove insalubrious to more delicate souls. There is also this: you are not guilty, yet I am; so I must show you how I became involved, and report each step just as it happened, so that you may see that I trod willingly on the path that lead to my dissolution. Though the secrets of that place seem to want to burst forth from me, and my hand aches to confess, through the pen and thence into the ink, all that I have been guilty of, beginning with my greatest crime and moving step by step to my least peccadillo, I must restrain myself. I will begin at the beginning, and you will see in precisely what way I was undone, and undid myself.
When I was still thought worthy of the public trust (how very long ago that seems now!) I was a minor civil servant fulfilling, to the best of my humble abilities, the various clerical duties that fell to me in the Department of _____. In those days I found my duties dull and each day arduous. Have you noticed, dear reader, how no matter what colors may be found in a government building one’s overall impression is of grey? Normally this impression comes only in hindsight, when one has left the building and tries to recall the details left behind. For me, this grim color was instantaneously perceived, and it filled my long hours with dim twilight. There was no vividity in my life, and I gasped in the thin air of these looming cabinets, these overcast halls.
Yet I had one love to relieve the ennui I suffered: the Ballet. Oh, how these dances enlivened me! Here was color! Here was grace! It was for the Ballet that I lived, and but for the dancer’s art I thought I would perish. I saw everything; every show I could, and when I had to choose between two houses with productions on the same night I was thrown into paroxysms of envy. I raged at those who saw what I could not. As I look back this trait above all seems to explain how I could descend so far into bestiality; this envy born of fear that others were experiencing some exquisite moment that I missed. This envy gave rise to the evil hungers to which I have fallen prey. |
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audientflaneur's journal
Speaking of which, I reworked my website with all new imagery. Have a look: 